Even If I Die I Can’t Let You Go -extended-

Yeah, since there are lots of comments [and i found those GREAT!! oh oh oh reader saranghae, ah ah ah manhi manhi haee~ lol] from you guys, my lovely reader.. I’m so EXCITED to write the sequel!! –gosh I’m so productive lately!- Yay!! I even wrote this during my class this afternoon, when my friends and faculty doing teaching-learning session 😛 many of you thought that kibummie was died, didnt you? Ok, we’ll find out ?
[a bit longer than the first one, but please enjoy!]

I won’t say that this fiction is a failure, but can I say that this is a mess? 😛

I heard a big crash.

My brain went blank.

Some shouts filling up my ears, but there was one that brought back my consciousness.

“honey, babe?”

Haekyunnie’s soft voice, sounded trembling but still soft as always.

I regained strength to open up my eyes. I found my self in her lap, she was sobbing.

“I didn’t sleep with her..” my voice gone to whisper.

“I know, I’m sorry for being an ass.” She nodded between her tears. “Now please shut your mouth and hold on, the ambulance will be here in seconds…”

I shook my head, smiling. I knew the time was coming..

She concussed my body, not letting me go. I cupped her left cheek with all the strength I had. “I can’t let you go,” it was even hard to breathe, “even if I die…”

I felt my brain shut down…
Six month after the accident..

I watched her sat beside my bed; her upper body lied above my bedside. Her right hand was holding tight my palm, warmly. I couldn’t feel it literally, but I knew it was warm, as always.

I wanted to touch her, so badly but I couldn’t. Let me say, that this time, I was somewhere-in-between world. I couldn’t get back to my body, but I couldn’t die too. A spirit, that was what I concluded.

I’ve been lying on this hospital bed for six months, comma. No progress at my condition at all. After that terrible accident, I’ve been living with life-support machine that kept me breathe as well. Doctor said that my organs stopped working because some damage in my brain. I even have through craniotomy, but no progress.

I thought that was pretty bad, uh?

People said that there were always good things of you could see deeper that other people see. And for me, it came to my lover. Jang Haekyun.

Her loyalty? No doubt!

She’s been here, waiting for me to get up every single day. Sometimes she read me novel or my drama scripts that I haven’t finished yet.  I also loved when she came to my room, carelessly, just to show her latest painting works. Have I mentioned that she loved painting? Her works were quite good, in my opinion.  But the most important was, she did it happily, with all of her heart.

One day she came to my room, crying. She said that she found a fan account for me; it was filled with my photos since I was a little bald boy until the last day I breathe of my own. Yes, the fan account wrote about my accident too.

It tore her heart; she blamed herself for making me like this. But I knew it wasn’t her fault. I was the one who wanted to be stroked by that fucking Porsche—ok I didn’t mean to do that, but that was my decision to save my lover from that crazy freaking slut.

She often talked to me, and I replied it. Yeah, of course she couldn’t hear me because I was a spirit that wasn’t exist like her. But still, I answered all of her question.

“Don’t you wanna wake up soon, dear?” she asked me as she woke up and found me still lying in my bed. ”I got class today, can I leave you now? I’ll be here by tonight. Bye…”

She kissed me on the cheek, in the area without any scars. I touched my cheek, it felt warm.

She stole a glance before she really got out of my room.

I stood, frozen, looking deeply at myself that lying helplessly in bed. Some scars stained my –people always said- handsome face. How awful the accident was. It broke 12 of my ribs, countless fractures in my body, and now i had damaged brain.

“Why are you still here?” a voice shocked me. A little girl was standing behind me. She was wearing white dress with ruffle. I could tell she was cute like an angel. “You shouldn’t be here for too long…”

“What do you mean?” I frowned, “and who are you?”

She stepped closer, touching my white sweater. “You are not supposed to be here any longer, it’s been six months right?” She gave a secretive smile. “And I’m Brittany; would you be surprised if I say that I’m an angel?”

To my surprise, I wasn’t surprised. I mean I was spirit and this girl was really cute! “Yeah, angel..”

She smiled again, a very adorable one. “What can I call you? You seemed older than me..”

I laughed at her lame joke, remembering that her height was just reached my waist. “oppa I suggest?” she laughed me back, what an angelic! “Um, you said that I’m not supposed to be here any longer, what was that mean?”

“Would you like to follow me?” She stuck outward her right hand, signed me to take it. “Because I cant tell you, I should have to show you..”

“But where?” I asked, frowning. Even if she was an angel, she was still a stranger! But then she assured me with her flattering eyes.

“The Door…”

The Door.

That was a gigantic beautiful door, gate I thought. Made from shining gold, The Door was luxurious. I stunned. This was the things that only God could make.

“Oppa, you should be in..” Brittany whispered, “the door will lead you to your fate..”

“I don’t understand.. I will die?”

She shook her head, “I don’t know, we don’t know.. The Door will show you something..”

“But what if I die?” my tears was going to flow down. I scared; I wasn’t ready for death yet.

“Are you afraid that you will not be able to see haekyun unnie again?”

“How do you know?” I asked her, was she a mind-reader too?

She smiled, slyly, “Written in your face, oppa, you love her…”

I blushed. Was I too readable? People said that I was good ay hiding something, as my introvert side. But she read me! Including Haekyun, no less!

“Now oppa, please opened the door, six months are too long, I’m afraid that you’ll be too late for your fate…”

I frowned, “but I can’t leave her…”

“Fate is fate oppa, God has written your fate.” She added to assure me, “everything will be just fine.”

Her words were just like my light, enlighten my darkness. Relieving my worry heart. Perhaps that was what angels were, light.

“Ok, then,” I smiled, hugging her for the last time, “I’ll be missing you Brittany, you are the prettiest angel ever!”

She chuckled, cutely. “You’ve never seen angel beside me, of course I’m the prettiest..”

I laughed too. She always comforted me, reminded me to Haekyun that always there for me.

“bye Brittany..”

I opened The Door and slipped in.

White. Plain. Pure.

Nothing existed inside The Door. just a large plain area, borderless. It was confusing me. Then I felt like closing my eyes, it was so cozy. The air was so fresh, the ambiance was fine. I felt like flying.

Then slides coming up and down; showing me scenes that I’ve never seen before.

Twelve member of Super Junior, on practicing room.

“We can’t do it without kibum..”

“Yes, we can,” another voice replied, “he’s focusing his acting carrier, we should comfort and support him…”

A girl on a dark room, lighted by moon. She was making some paper cranes.

“Dear, when will you wake up?” she took another paper and made it into paper crane. “I’m making this paper cranes for you, each paper refer to a day that I’ve through without you… I’ve made 179 paper cranes, when I can stop?” she sobbed.

Fifteen people, in front of his hospital room.

“Can we just let him take the machine? Don’t take it off~” a voice, sounded like the hyungs.

“It will just make him suffers even more..” someone replied.

“Doctor, how about taking him to California? America provide better machine, right?” her voice, I knew it was Mom.

“He wont be able to take a long trip,” the same voice with the second one. “I’m sorry…”

“Wait, doctor!” a shrill voice of a girl I’ve recognized as Haekyun’s. “Can we wait till tonight? We’re just saying goodbyes…”


White. Plain. Pure.

Slides stopped. I opened my eyes and found a light. My heart told me to follow that light. I wasn’t sure enough, but I had no choice but to step closer.

It blinked me. In second, I felt like a tremendous strength pulled me inside the light.

Author POV

Nut.. nut.. nut..

The same rhythms from electrocardiograph indicated the heart beat. Kibum’s mommy, daddy, sister Sohee, and the members of Super Junior have made their goodbyes. Haekyun was the last to say goodbye. She held his hand tightly.

“Do you really want to see me die in sadness of your leaving?” she asked, sobbing. “I love you, Kim Kibum. Don’t leave me, don’t die…”

She drowned herself in her lover, feeling his cold body. But then it was getting warmer. Warmer and warmer any time she wrapped him up.

A light move on his body.


She got up from her position only to find a weak smile on his lover’s face.

“I told ya..” he whispered a weak voice, but enough to make Haekyun lost her breathe, “I cant let you go, even if I die…”

-The end-

** [pronounced, beib.. not ba-be :P]

How’s it? I’m a kind author, I don’t make people die that easy 😛 kibum is a GORGEOUS man ! How can I let him die? *octopus dance*

p.s. Feel free to comment, even if you can’t use English, bahasa is understandable ?
I’d be GRATEFUL! *throw confetti*

p.s.s twitter.com/shalof for more info of my latest works [including some cheesy-but-sweet (?) tweets about my chocobar *grins*] ? ? ? -promoting myself- i also want to be talkative with my readers 🙂 [i’ve unlockedd it for you guys!]

50 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. lady elf
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 19:04:27

    kibumie you’re alive..sipirilli
    ah.. I love the story


  2. sarahan
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 19:11:58

    I Like this ff..


  3. niebum
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 19:24:42

    kibum alive.


  4. haekyun
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 19:31:03

    sashaaa honey bunny sweety !of course he is too gorgeous to die ! (teu nyambung) gini dong sha ,jangan mati !gue gamau jdi janda-cantik-stress gara gara ditinggal pemilik gigi terindah sejagad raya !lol lol .thankyou so much !okay youre right ,i owe u ALOT !just wait ya babe ,mianhae loh it takes long times ,ya you know sometimes my brain stop working (like it hve worked before lol)
    brittany ?aww the cutest angel ever !with her black wavy hair ,big eyes (she is the little me ,so me ,rite ?)(plakk)
    gyahhhhh im blushing ,some tears drop ya know (cause my aching throat and touched by ur story babe) thankyou !muach !


    • Shalof
      Sep 20, 2010 @ 19:38:45

      sumpa gaya ngemeng lu kaya tante2 socialite liat obralan LV di PI tauuu!
      najooooong hahahaha

      but yeah, YOU OWE ME !!


  5. nuyy_kyeon
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 19:35:42

    he?? =.=”

    kan td jd arwah? jadi idup lagi?? *nebak2 ini mah, takutnya salah lg, soalnya babo englishnya*


  6. nuyy_kyeon
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 19:38:13

    uwoooooooo lagi2 komen haekyun plg panJANG. hahaha ~


  7. fishy1503
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 19:39:51

    hua, kibum selamat!! d^^b ka sha daebak! bkin ff bhs.inggris lgi yah. aku jdi bnyk bljr


  8. Kelteuk
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 19:40:02



  9. hesa
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 19:44:47

    wawawawww…! perfect happy ending! i really love your fanfic. 🙂


  10. jasmijn2903
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 19:49:25

    huaa~ kukira Kibum meninggal. fufu. untunglah, masih idup..


  11. chris~wonnie~hyunnie
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 19:53:36

    Ohh, thx god, Kibum is alive!
    *Hug Kibummie*
    *Being kicked by Haekyun*
    Really2 nice ff, onnie~
    I’m very like it…!!!
    Please, make the other FF with other cast (read: Siwonnie)…!!!
    And, sorry for my bad English… I’m studying it~


  12. chavie
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 20:04:52

    owaa.. ada terusannya…
    baca baca,,,
    selesai! (?)
    happy ending…^^


  13. mel
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 20:08:59

    great job,author!


  14. nuyy_kyeon
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 20:20:05

    ff english pairing with siwonnie?? gyahahahahaha [evil laugh smbil liat hyera babe] ~

    haekyun. cuma muncul sekali doank pdhl fansnya uda mulai berdatangan. hahaha !!

    and hyera being popular again. Go Hyera !! [ssanti dance with my kwon lol lol] /slapeeeeeddddd


  15. ree
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 20:38:23

    wah, ternyata kibum ga jadi mati… gitu dong sha, ga enak bgt kalo baca angst.. hehehee *sasha: suka2 gw dong mau bikin angst ato fluff*

    rohnya kibum terlalu lama berada di dunia manusia? coba kalo dari awal dia langsung pergi ke The Door pasti udah sadar dari kapan tau.. *reader sotoy*

    ayo bikin lagi sha yg banyak.. hehehee *ditabok krn nyuruh2*
    ‘i have one with siwonnie as main chara, but i guess you wont like it *ngutip komennya sasha di atas*’ <– hahahaa, sepertinya saya bisa nebak kenapa si sasha bilang kaya gitu.. 🙂
    ga papa sha, publish aja di sini.. ^^


  16. seselfishy
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 20:53:28

    Kyaaa~ my tears drop..
    like this ff so much much much..
    lanjutkan ceritanya on..
    kan kibumnya kagak jd mati tuh~


  17. Yoricassielf
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 21:33:51

    wuah, Kibummie still alive! yeaaaah! *run-step-jump (?)
    good ending author! my Brother, you still alive! *hug Kibummie >w<


  18. Idell.idell
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 21:52:55

    Aaa authornya ngejebak nih u,u
    tapi bagus deh kibum nya ga mati muhuhuhu T_T


  19. HwangMinra
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 21:58:44

    WOW! happy ending! i think it’s going 2 be sad ending @ the 1st place…..
    thanks god hes alive!*hug bummie oppa*
    AAAARRRGGGHHHH! this thing happen because of that crazy fucking slut!!!
    i really hate that slut!*kicking that slut ass*
    brittany is sooo angelic! she’s such a warm person angel!


  20. keyholic
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 22:05:49

    waaah..Ada lanjutan.Y toh!

    syukur..Syukur*sjud syukur* si kibum gak jdi mati,n kmbli hdupp..yeiiy.
    kan syg klw muka sbgs dia cpet bgt mati.y..kea brasa mubazir aja..wkwkwk
    pkok.y ff.y keren lah,wlwpn ujung2.y sya hrus mres otak bwat ngetranslate bhasa.y..hoho



  21. melialasmana
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 22:08:42

    Kibum still alive!! Yeaaaay!! *dancing bonamana*
    It’s a good story!
    This is the first FF in english here! I’m so happy!
    I’m sorry if my word is bad!
    Keep on working ^^


  22. shalof
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 22:30:09

    @ree gak berani, banyak underage reader dan bininya siwon ree, ffnya agak gmanaaaa gtu soalnya hahahaha *ketawaketawa* ntar gue dibakar idup2 :p


  23. cho eunmi
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 22:42:28

    yey , kibum gak jadi mati . 6 bulan koma ?? gak kebayang , untung heekyun setia . keren shalof .
    maaf komen nya gak pake english .


  24. ree
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 22:47:14

    lha, emang napa sha kalo banyak yg underage? kalo emang agak bahaya kan bisa di protect.. ^^
    kalo masalah bininya siwon yg bejibun, pasti mereka siap berbagi kok.. kaya kita yg tetep akur2 aja.. hehehee

    setuju bgt tuh sha sm kata2nya nuyy, hyera being popular again.. 🙂


  25. shalof
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 22:52:41

    @ree sok kamu baca dulu, trus nilai itu pantes apa enggak dipos disini hahaha aku dapet nick cheesy-byeontae gara2 ff itu :p hahaha mengembalikan apa yg seharusnya ree, dynasty of hyera-siwon :3


  26. ╭♥ Itsxokyulatee╭♥
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 23:08:06

    100 times more…. *spechless*
    anyway, do you have tumblr or blog?


  27. DeeDeeMiliband
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 23:11:48

    first,you’re such a rebel,don’t deny.you’re nt listening,author
    You were using different word,but still it hs the same meaning,myb even worse. Whatever! xp
    Haekyun,i think i know Brittany,i like to see her,do u mind?. hahaha.
    I’m nt gonna say anything bout the storyline whatsoever,after reading this fic,there’s no reason for Haekyun to doubt Kibum’s love for her and also his devotion…


  28. shalof
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 23:17:18

    @itsxokyulatee yep, as well as my wp acc, shalof on LJ or tumblr [my tumbler is empty -____-]


  29. sevendreamworld
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 23:42:47

    I feel happy when know kibum not died…
    I like it…
    it’s a good story and good ending…


  30. ree
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 23:56:31

    udah kok sha, tapi ga bisa ngomen soalnya aku ga punya acc.. udah nyoba another option tapi tetep ga bisa.. *sigh*

    and i think its not byeontae.. but a bit cheesy, yeah, with that nick.. hehehee.. forget it. its just my ‘jealousy girl’ opinion..
    jadi ya pantes2 aja kok sha.. itu kan haknya author gimana ngekspresiin ceritanya.. ^^

    yup bener tuh sha, mengembalikan dinasti hyera-siwon yg hampir punah terkikis oleh jaman.. :p


  31. amitokugawa
    Sep 21, 2010 @ 05:06:30

    *males pake eng*
    ternyata kibum masih hidup toh….yeyeye
    keren2 ffnya, bikin mau nangis pas part awal, bikin lega pas baca ini…
    kapan2 aku main ke LJ nya kakak deh…hihihi


  32. nuyy_kyeon
    Sep 21, 2010 @ 05:46:02

    tuh kaaaan, ayo yg di LJ publish dsni jg sha!! ayo ayo ayo [merajuk (?)]


  33. loveablehyunnie
    Sep 21, 2010 @ 06:27:08

    huwaaa ternyata ada lanjutannya! *telat*
    sasha.. *blh kan ya manggil gtu? :)* its really a great ff! really really like it..nice ending!
    ayoo bikin lg! ntar mau mainc ah ke LJnya sasha..


  34. ndeehyuk
    Sep 21, 2010 @ 09:03:05

    Great…!!! Good job sha !!!
    I like it !!
    Ayo bikin lg yg pake basa inggris…!! It makes a different taste you know ?? =P

    Tapi tunggu dl d…
    Ku msi bgg sm si slut ntu. Gmn critanya dia bs ama kibum ???


  35. LopeLopeKJW
    Sep 21, 2010 @ 10:05:51

    oh gosh.. *ngelap ingus*
    thanks author, u made kibummie lives again..


  36. beepbeep91
    Sep 21, 2010 @ 10:14:49

    horeee kibummie nya ga mati haduh baca yg sebelumnya sampe nangis TT___TT

    author daebak!!!! Yeay ^^


  37. yessiewonmochimochi
    Sep 21, 2010 @ 18:30:42

    woow, full english..
    what a great fanfiction XD
    sha onn, daebak !!
    n at least, kibummie still alive..hahaha


  38. min_gyo
    Sep 21, 2010 @ 20:23:25

    yeah, fanfic with full of english!!
    i’m afraid at first. i think that kibum will die.
    well, at least, i’m not dissapointed. kibum is alive!
    what a good fic, author. i can imagine how is brittany look like.haha
    thumbs up for author! 🙂


  39. kim hyoonhwa
    Oct 30, 2010 @ 17:10:46

    great story ever!
    really like it! :)!


  40. Fanabiko
    Oct 05, 2013 @ 18:11:43

    Wow .. post an 2010
    Walau bacanya ngerti-ngerti-nggak-nggak gitu
    Tp masih ngerti kok dgn sedikit bantuan gugel translet
    1 kata eon DAEBAK !! 😀


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